Should We Eat GMO Foods? Transcript: Max - Mom's stance on GMO foods means I can't eat this bag of potato chips! Because of mom, I'm missing out on a world of delectable culinary experiences! Carter - Many people can't have GMO foods... like in France! Max - Mom won't let the French have GMO foods either? Will The Stay-At-Home Order Get Lifted By Easter? Transcript: Max - Did you hear? The stay-at-home order might get lifted before Easter! Lefty - But what if the COVID-19 pandemic gets worse? Mice are communal creatures. I can't survive more social distancing... I need a hug! Max - I hope not to be the first case of mouse-to-human transmission! They're Called Brain Organoids And Here's Who Needs Them Transcript: Landon - Hey, Finn, I heard your lab is using stem cells to grow actual brain tissue! Finn - Yeah, they're pea-sized, but the cells work like real neurons. Landon - Is there a need for pea-sized clumps of brain tissue? Finn - Shifty's already trying to sell them! Shifty - ...Just look at your approval ratings! Making It Look Easy Transcript: XI TACTICS FOR GETTING THROUGH A PANDEMIC by Shifty 1. Rule your home with an iron fist! 2. Refuse help. 3. Bully anyone who posts their experiences online. If they don't stop, TAKE THEM OUT! 4. Deny (or lie about) #3. 5. Blame the US Govt. Lefty - You wrote 'XI Tactics' but you only listed five. Shifty - No, it's Xi, as in Xi Jinping, head of the Chinese Communist Party! Professor - We should rethink our ties with them! Lefty - Not just ties... this athletic cup made in China pinches my skin! Is It Compromising Your Health? Transcript: Google: news today Fin - Ahhhhhh! Professor - OMG! OMG! OMG! Professor - Sometimes it's best to unplug for a while. What Do You Think? Transcript: Finn - Here's an article I just published! ...about how my scientific field's had the most impact on our modern world. Shifty - Math? ...you think math is a scientific field? Math is not science! Some of it's irrational! Is Six Enough? Transcript: Lefty - What do you have there, Shifty? Shifty - 2 yardsticks. They say the best way to avoid getting the coronavirus is social distancing. Professor - Is six feet enough to keep you safe? Shifty - Not sure... I haven't tried it yet! (WHACK) Back off! Six feet's perfect! A New Threat? Transcript: SHIFTY: THE DICTATOR CEO - I moved all our antibiotics production to your country while no one was looking! Thanks to my politician buddies who turned a blind eye... I'm now rich! You wouldn't use this as leverage in your pursuit of world domination, right? Shifty - Kneel before Shifty! New Viral Threat Transcript: Max - A new virus from Wuhan... where China's only level-4 deadly virus research lab is located... wait... darn you Murphy! ...and your stupid Law! He Loves To Sing In The Elevator Transcript: Professor - I heard your new friend, Dr. Gee, is a surgeon and a talented singer. Lefty - Yeah, when he's not in the O.R. he likes to ride the hospital elevator singing 70's songs in falsetto. He says it's his only opportunity to sing to a captive audience! Dr. Gee - Another one bites the dust... Shifty - Why'd you push all the buttons, you jerk? Professor - That's wrong on so many levels! It's Amazing What They Can Do Transcript: Shifty - Tummy tucks, liposuction, face lifts... Isn't it amazing what plastic surgeons can do nowadays? Lefty - Imaging what real ones can do! Shifty - What do you mean 'real ones'? Lefty - Real surgeons... instead of plastic ones. Shifty - You need a brain transplant! Lefty - I can get one of those too? Time-Honored Yet Elusive For Lefty Lefty's better off than me! I can think of quite a few for myself... ugh! Is Santa's Waistline Cause For Concern? No question Lefty's thinking only about himself. Fixing Our Country Want to know how to get yourself elected? Free handouts... bribe people for their votes using public money. The ultimate and 'legal' quid pro quo. A Thanksgiving Treat Taking precise measurements is key for making the perfect pumpkin dessert! And It's A New York Times Bestseller Can such a book be intellectually dishonest? The Best Career Path Is this why politics seems to attract the worst of the worst? Fall Is Just Around The Corner Shifty sees the negative in almost everything... poor Lefty! His Rich Uncle Died Poor Lefty... too trusting of others! Perhaps one of these days he'll learn. ... But Saturday Morning? When I can't sleep in on Saturday morning... argh!! But There's a Price To Pay Has civility taken a back seat to outrage and anger? I've never been involved in politics, no do I have an interest in starting now, but it's certainly hard not to notice the heightened emotions reported by the media. Are "news organizations" partly (or largely) responsible, in this age of data-driven commerce. Outrageous headlines get more clicks, which get more ad revenue, a simple, measurable, and compelling formula for explaining what's going on... at least to me. And unfortunately, Shifty experienced it firsthand! |
