Keeping Our Commander-In-Chief Sharp
Numbers - What are you doing there Mr. President?
Joe Biden - Finishing a puzzle.
Lefty - I get it! You wanna keep your brain sharp for when you're hardball negotiating with Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping.
Joe Biden - Bingo!
Numbers - This box says 8-8 years.
Joe Biden - It only took me 3 weeks!
Lefty - He inspires me in so many ways!
No More Mandates
Rose - The midterm elections are coming up, Mr. President, and as your advisor, I suggest no more mandating.
Joe Biden - Fine. Barack... honey, things aren't working out! We can't see each other anymore.
Barack Obama - Get off me!
Rose - Not man-dating... mandating, as in, for vaccines! I wish I could unsee that, sir.
Joe Biden - Can I still sniff his hair?
Should Protestors Be Disarmed?
Numbers - Shifty, did you hear? People marched into the Capitol Building and the police went in to disarm them!
Shifty - I don't approve!
Numbers - What don't you approve?
Shifty - Disarming people for no good reason... amputate their arms only if they start looting!
Numbers - I'm ignoring you!
Shifty - The right to bear arms shouldn't apply to looters.
How Many Need To Take The Vaccine
Shifty - Hey Numbers, what are you watching?
Numbers - A Dr. Fauci interview! He says if 75% of us get the vaccine, we could return to some degree of normality by the Fall of 2021.
Shifty - Is that what we're pulling out of our @## today?
Number - I'm getting the vaccine!
Shifty - And so the zombie apocalypse begins...
Maybe Food Should Be Cooked
Shifty - They say that cooking your food is the best way to prevent foodborne illness.
Numbers - So, to avoid the next global crisis, should wet markets sell only cooked bats?
Shifty - A bat is not food!
Numbers - That's a little racist!
Lefty - OMG... bat are little racists?!
Shifty - I wonder how Ozzie did it and not cause a pandemic?
Should We Treat Them Humanely?
Numbers - Hey Lefty, why are you massaging that egg?
Lefty - I heard that beef tastes better when cows are massaged. The same might be true with eggs... Plus, it makes me feel better knowing my eggs are treated humanely before I cook them!
Egg - Let me go you fat-faced punks!!
Numbers - But we're mice!
Lefty - Maybe I shouldn't feel bad!
Shifty Gets A Prescription
Numbers - Did you know Shifty went to a doctor last week for his addiction to social media!
Carter - It sounds serious! Is he going to be okay?
Numbers - Debatable... they gave him a prescription and told him to take 2 tablets daily.
Carter - How's that bad?
Store Guy - HEY... COME BACK WITH THOSE!
Can Programming It Help?
Lefty - Hey Max, is that one of those speakers that can talk?
Max - Yeah! It uses A.I. to analyze speech. I'm programming it to sound less 'Artificial' and more like a real person. Do you want to try it?
Lefty - My name is lefty. I come in peace!
Speaker - I'm a digital assistant, not a space alien you moron!
Lefty - Maybe he sounds too much like a real person.
Max Can't Eat Those Potato Chips
Max - I can't eat this bag of potato chips because mom says GMO foods are bad! I'm missing out on a world of delectable culinary experiences!
Carter - But many people can't have GMO foods... like in France!
Max - Mom won't let the French have GMO foods either?
How's 'The Who' Involved In The COVID-19 Pandemic?
Max - Who's on your podcast today, guys?
Lefty - Leader of 'The Who'
Max - The 70's rock band?
Shifty - No, the World Health Organization... you know, the group that botched the early response to the Coronavirus pandemic!
Lefty - Today, our guest is doctor...
Shifty - Reaction time isn't his strong suit!
Lefty - Paper Mache is my new favorite craft!