A New Threat?
SHIFTY: THE DICTATOR
CEO - I moved all our antibiotics production to your country while no one was looking! Thanks to my politician buddies who turned a blind eye... Now I'm rich! You wouldn't use this as leverage in your pursuit of world domination, right?
Shifty - Kneel before Shifty!
He Loves To Sing In The Elevator
Professor - I heard your new friend, Dr. Gee, is a surgeon and a talented singer.
Lefty - Yeah, when he's not in the O.R. he likes to ride the hospital elevator singing 70's songs in falsetto. He says it's his only opportunity to sing to a captive audience!
Dr. Gee - Another one bites the dust...
Shifty - Why'd you push all the buttons, you jerk?
Professor - That's wrong on so many levels!
It's Amazing What They Can Do
Shifty - Tummy tucks, liposuction, face lifts... Isn't it amazing what plastic surgeons can do nowadays?
Lefty - Imaging what real ones can do!
Shifty - What do you mean 'real ones'?
Lefty - Real surgeons... instead of plastic ones.
Shifty - You need a brain transplant!
Lefty - I can get one of those too?
Is Santa's Waistline Cause For Concern?
Landon - Why are you hanging a defibrillator on the fireplace Shifty?
Shifty - Santa's at risk for a major heart attack!
Landon - Really?
Shifty - Oh yeah... have you seen his waistline? Christmas wouldn't be the same without Santa. ...We've got to make sure he's alive at least until he's done with our delivery!
Fixing Our Country
Shifty - Tell me why I should vote for you!
Politician Guy - I'll fix our country!
Shifty - How?
Politician Guy - Pixie dust!
Shifty - I can't vote for someone who doesn't have a rational plan.
Politician Guy - I'll give you cash every month and pay all your expenses!
Shifty - He makes a very compelling argument!
Lefty - Woohoo! ...Vegas here we come!
A Thanksgiving Treat
Numbers - What are you doing Lefty?
Lefty - Taking measurements! I'm making a pumpkin dessert for Thanksgiving!
Numbers - Shouldn't you use a scale? Most recipes use ingredients measured by weight.
Lefty - No... you get Pi only when you divide the circumference by the diameter. There's going to be plenty for all of us... The recipe says the Pi never ends!!
And It's A New York Times Bestseller
Numbers - This New York Times Bestseller you recommended is intellectually dishonest... all lies and deceit!
Shifty - How so?
Numbers - There's no ham in the recipe for hamburger and their sweetbreads are neither sweet nor bread.
Shifty - It's a cookbook!
Numbers - Fine, I'll give it one more chance! I suppose the rocky mountain oysters could be a winner!
The Best Career Path
Chapter 1 - Any Idiot Can Get This Job. No minimum work experience or education required...
Chapter 2 - Hiding Your Past Is Simple. No background check or drug test required...
Chapter 3 - You Can Openly Look For Your Next Job During Work Hours. Don't worry... you won't get fired!
Shifty Writing - 'Why Politics Is The Best Career Path' by Shifty
Finn - Our system is broken!
Lefty - Running for office is so liberating!
But There's a Price To Pay
Has civility taken a back seat to outrage and anger? I've never been involved in politics, no do I have an interest in starting now, but it's certainly hard not to notice the heightened emotions reported by the media. Are "news organizations" partly (or largely) responsible, in this age of data-driven commerce. Outrageous headlines get more clicks, which get more ad revenue, a simple, measurable, and compelling formula for explaining what's going on... at least to me. And unfortunately, Shifty experienced it firsthand!