He Loves Singing In Elevators
Numbers - I heard your new friend, Dr. Gee, is a surgeon and a talented singer.
Lefty - Yeah, when he's not in the O.R. he likes to ride the hospital elevator singing 70's songs in falsetto. He says it's his only opportunity to sing to a captive audience!
Dr. B. Gee - Another one bites the dust...
Shifty - Why'd you push all the buttons, you jerk?
Numbers - That's wrong on so many levels!
It's Amazing What They Can Do
Shifty - Tummy tucks, liposuction, face lifts... Isn't it amazing what plastic surgeons can do nowadays?
Lefty - Imagine what real ones can do!
Shifty - What do you mean 'real ones'?
Lefty - Real surgeons... Instead of plastic ones.
Shifty - You need a brain transplant!
Lefty - I can get one of those too?
The Best Career Path
Chapter 1 - Any Idiot Can Get This Job - No minimum work experience or education required...
Chapter 2 - Hiding Your Past Is Simple - No background check or drug test required...
Chapter 3 - You Can Openly Look For Your Next Job During Work Hours - Don't worry... you won't get fired!
Shifty - 'Why Politics Is The Best Career Path' by Shifty
Finn - Our system is broken!
Lefty - Running for office is so liberating!
Fall Is Just Around The Corner
Shifty - It's September, Lefty! Fall is just around the corner.
Lefty - Hello pretty Autumn leaves... hello fresh baked apple pie... hello Thanksgiving!
Shifty - And hello new school year... the glorious reminder of our bottomless student loan pit, the depths of which we'll never crawl out of!
Lefty - Goodbye Pumpkin Spice Lattes!
His Rich Uncle Just Died
Lefty - I got an email from someone overseas who said he wants to be my friend!
Shifty - Really?
Lefty - Yeah, he also wants to wire me money. His rich uncle just died and left him everything.
Shifty - Don't believe him... it's spam! I read about this online.
Lefty (writing a response email) - Dear friend, your windfall isn't money, it's the yummy canned treat we call SPAM. I can't accept your gift without paying you back, so I've included my bank account info below...
Lefty - It pays to have generous friends abroad!
Can Virtual Reality Replace Summer Trips?
Max - I'm planning a summer trip through Yellowstone, Shifty.
Shifty - I finished coding a Virtual Reality simulation so you can experience Yellowstone from home.
Max - It's not the same!
Shifty - I also built a Jacuzzi heated to 205 degrees in case you fall into a hot spring... and a robotic arm with claws for bear encounters.
Max - I just want a gentle summer breeze!
Shifty - Then get a fan... Luddite!
Could It Make For Better Tasting Breakfast?
Numbers - Are you massaging that egg, Lefty?
Lefty - Yeah, I read that beef tastes better when the cows are massaged. The same is probably true with eggs... Plus, it helps with my guilt... knowing they were treated humanely before I cooked them!
Egg - Let me go you rat-faced punks!
Numbers - We're mice!
Lefty - Maybe I shouldn't feel bad!
Reading The Classics
Shifty - Getting people to read the classics is my life's calling. That's why I'm organizing the library's new reading program.
Landon - Who's on your reading list?
Shifty - You know, the legends, Schulz and Watterson!
Landon - They're comic artists, not writers! You can't run a classics reading program with comics!
Shifty - But I've already made signs!
Landon - You need to find a new calling!
Think Shop Comics
Max's Letter - Dear Santa, I finally figured out how you distribute all those presents in one night... you're a genius scientist, like me, who discovered how to navigate through space-time.
Finn - Max, are you saying Santa's sleigh might be a time machine?
Max - No... time travel is total myth! I'm just hoping flattery gets me something really cool this year!