The Best Career Path
Chapter 1 - Any Idiot Can Get This Job - No minimum work experience or education required...
Chapter 2 - Hiding Your Past Is Simple - No background check or drug test required...
Chapter 3 - You Can Openly Look For Your Next Job During Work Hours - Don't worry... you won't get fired!
Shifty - 'Why Politics Is The Best Career Path' by Shifty
Finn - Our system is broken!
Lefty - Running for office is so liberating!
Fall Is Just Around The Corner
Shifty - It's September, Lefty! Fall is just around the corner.
Lefty - Hello pretty Autumn leaves... hello fresh baked apple pie... hello Thanksgiving!
Shifty - And hello new school year... the glorious reminder of our bottomless student loan pit, the depths of which we'll never crawl out of!
Lefty - Goodbye Pumpkin Spice Lattes!
His Rich Uncle Just Died
Lefty - I got an email from someone overseas who said he wants to be my friend!
Shifty - Really?
Lefty - Yeah, he also wants to wire me money. His rich uncle just died and left him everything.
Shifty - Don't believe him... it's spam! I read about this online.
Lefty (writing a response email) - Dear friend, your windfall isn't money, it's the yummy canned treat we call SPAM. I can't accept your gift without paying you back, so I've included my bank account info below...
Lefty - It pays to have generous friends abroad!
Can Virtual Reality Replace Summer Trips?
Max - I'm planning a summer trip through Yellowstone, Shifty.
Shifty - I finished coding a Virtual Reality simulation so you can experience Yellowstone from home.
Max - It's not the same!
Shifty - I also built a Jacuzzi heated to 205 degrees in case you fall into a hot spring... and a robotic arm with claws for bear encounters.
Max - I just want a gentle summer breeze!
Shifty - Then get a fan... Luddite!
What Happened To Shifty At The Political Rally?
Numbers - Where did Shifty go today?
Lefty - To a political Rally. He wants to get more involved in the political process.
Numbers - He should be careful. People take this stuff way too seriously!
Shifty - The truth hurts sometimes!
Landon Helps Him Realize Who To Support
Landon - Where are you going, Shifty?
Shifty - To my first political rally... we need new leaders!
Landon - How's that different than what we have now?
Sign - No More Self-Serving Deaf Cretins For Office.
Why's Lefty Drawing Smiley Faces On Eggs?
Shifty - Why are you drawing smiley faces on eggs, Lefty?
Lefty - I'm making a breakfast dish that calls for sunny side up eggs!
Egg - Sunny side up yours you rat fink!
Lefty - That one's rotten!
Could It Make For Better Tasting Breakfast?
Numbers - Are you massaging that egg, Lefty?
Lefty - Yeah, I read that beef tastes better when the cows are massaged. The same is probably true with eggs... Plus, it helps with my guilt... knowing they were treated humanely before I cooked them!
Egg - Let me go you rat-faced punks!
Numbers - We're mice!
Lefty - Maybe I shouldn't feel bad!
Reading The Classics
Shifty - Getting people to read the classics is my life's calling. That's why I'm organizing the library's new reading program.
Landon - Who's on your reading list?
Shifty - You know, the legends, Schulz and Watterson!
Landon - They're comic artists, not writers! You can't run a classics reading program with comics!
Shifty - But I've already made signs!
Landon - You need to find a new calling!
Numbers' Google Search - What's the medical term for my irrational fear of long words?
Google - Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
Numbers - Stop! Healthcare professionals have a sick sense of humor!
A New Machine At The Gym
Max - What are you doing, Lefty?
Lefty - Going to the gym! They have a new machine that's a real gut-buster!
Max - Is that so?
Lefty - Yeah! Shifty was on it for only an hour before it made him sick. I'm going to beat his time! Ugh...
Is It Possible Nowadays?
TV - We interrupt this news broadcast to bring you...
Max - ...an unbiased, truthful, and uplifting story?
TV - Don't be ridiculous!!!
Who Might Benefit?
Landon - Hey, Finn, I heard your lab is using stem cells to grow actual brain tissue!
Finn - Yeah, they're pea-sized, but the cells work like real neurons.
Landon - Is there demand for pea-sized brains?
Finn - Shifty is already selling the product to people he thinks should buy it!
Shifty - ...just look at your approval ratings!
Engineers Know How To Build Things
Landon - Daydreaming about subatomic particles and antimatter won't help you here, physics nerd!
Finn - It's called theorizing!
March Is National Reading Awareness Month - Think Shop Comics
Landon - Aristotle, I need your advice. The one New Year's resolution I've managed to keep is to 'read more,' but it's turning into a drag. How do I stay inspired?
Aristotle - Did dinosaurs read?
Landon - No!
Aristotle - ...Look what happened to them!
Landon - Why do I ask?
Food Will Be Cheaper - Think Shop Comics
Max - Hey Finn! I just created a GMO plant that makes 40% more yield, and more yield means cheaper food prices! Do you think mom will now let us have GMO's?
Finn - I doubt it! Many people don't have GMO's... like in France!
Max - Mom won't let the French have GMO's either?
Are They Getting Too Fat? - Think Shop Comics
Lefty - Hey Max! Your new GMO tomato plants are getting fat, so I'm putting them on a weight loss program. They have 40% more biomass than non-GMO's. I've read that a high biomass index is unhealthy!
Max - It's Body Mass Index, ...and it only applies to people! We actually want a higher biomass for our plants!
Lefty - Hello? I'd like to cancel tomorrow's house call with your acupuncturist!
Saying 'Hi' Can Be Your Good Deed For Today - Think Shop Comics
Landon - Hi Shifty!! ...Did you know that when you say 'Hi' you're basically telling someone they matter? Your good deed for today can be a tiny two-letter word! It's a simple choice!
Shifty - Fine, I'll say 'Hi' but I'm not looking for a follow-up conversation!
Lefty - Lefty knows a choice four-letter word!!
The Multi-Arm Robot - Think Shop Comics
Lefty - Shifty, I worry that robots might be both bad and good or society. Farmer Fred just installed a multi-arm robot he calls Philanderer Phil!
Shifty - Why'd he name it that?
Lefty - It milks 60 cows at once!
Shifty - How dairy!
Lefty - I know... a total scoundrel! But it also filters out mild protein for those with life-threatening allergies.
Aristotle - No whey!
Penelope Brings Flowers - Think Shop Comics
Penelope - Hi Finn! Just Wondering... do you have a date for Valentines Day?
Finn - Valentine's Day is February 14! Everyone knows that. You must think I'm totally out of touch!
For Aspiring Tycoons - Think Shop Comics
Max - Wow! The University's new building is finally here... a place where aspiring industrialists will spend years earning their degrees. 'Buy low, sell high' doesn't seem like such a hard concept!
Where Should We Eat? - Think Shop Comics
Penelope - Hi Finn, I'm hungry! Wanna go somewhere to eat?
Finn - Sure, where?
Penelope - (OMG! He wants me to decide? Too may choices... What if something bad happens and he blames me... What if he realizes... But I really like him! Ugh... I need to say something!)
10 Minutes Later
Penelope - I can't decide.
Finn - You're exhibiting classic signs of aboulomania.
Penelope - Never-mind, I'm staying home tonight!
Finn - Therapy can help!
Penelope - But it can't help you!
Think Shop Comics
Max - What's the best way to stick with New Year's resolutions, Penelope?
Penelope - Easy... don't feel guilty when you fall off the wagon. I'll show you! Engineers aren't real scientists!
Max - Wasn't 'being kind to others' your resolution from last year?
Penelope - It's like second nature now!
Think Shop Comics
Max's Letter - Dear Santa, I finally figured out how you distribute all those presents in one night... you're a genius scientist, like me, who discovered how to navigate through space-time.
Finn - Max, are you saying Santa's sleigh might be a time machine?
Max - No... time travel is total myth! I'm just hoping flattery gets me something really cool this year!